Only once in your life, I truly believe, you find someone who can completely turn your world around. You tell them things that you’ve never shared with another soul and they absorb everything you say and actually want to hear more. You share hopes for the future, dreams that will never come true, goals that were never achieved and the many disappointments life has thrown at you. When something wonderful happens, you can’t wait to tell them about it, knowing they will share in your excitement. Never do they hurt your feelings or make you feel like you are not good enough, but rather they build you up and show you the things about yourself that make you special and even beautiful. You find strength in knowing you have a true friend and possibly a soul mate who will remain loyal to the end. Life seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile. Your only hope and security is in knowing that they are a part of your life.
Today, I stumbled upon an interesting question: Can two people who have the potential for being attracted to one another remain “just friends”? Is it possible for individuals to keep a friendship alive without letting emotions or hormones get in the way?
I thought about this for a long while. I have certainly seen enough evidence in my own life to prove that it isn’t possible. But my life isn’t everyone else’s. I have also witnessed how inexplicably the magic of first attraction works. Still, as far as my personal experience goes, when two such friends are put in a situation when they have only themselves to answer to, it seems to me sex drive almost always has the last word. Maybe it’s human nature to be curious. Maybe the emotions between two friends who feel a mutual attraction to each other are just too strong to ignore. Maybe when the connection really feels right, the desire and constant curiosity to find out what makes each other happy and tick are just too great to put aside. Maybe it really is impossible to have a simple friendship with someone who shares desirability—on whatever level—with you. Maybe the fact that you want to stay in each other's lives makes it impossible for romance not to grow.
So what do you think? Can two people who find each other attractive on an emotional or physical level maintain a simple friendship, or are they just fooling themselves?
I'd say they are.
(Credits to Mike.)
I’d reserved a table for my wife and me overlooking the ocean at one of my favourite restaurants in Newcastle, Australia. The restaurant was only a quarter full when we got there. A couple in their 30s were seated about three tables away. There was a subtle awkwardness in their manner that caught my attention. I’ve always been sensitive to the feelings and energy levels of other people. I got the immediate impression that this couple could rarely afford to eat out. At first I ignored the thought, but it kept popping back into my head.
I began to feel a strange urge to pay for their meals. I wasn’t wealthy, but I could afford it. so I followed my inclination and approached the maitre d’ to pay their bill. I was told that they had finished their courses and might still order coffees, but so far the bill came to $75.
When she asked why I was paying their bill I felt a little self-conscious as I tried to encapsulate my feelings. I finally replied, “When I saw that couple I got the feeling that they had to struggle to get what they’ve got. So I decided to pay their bill. But I don’t want you to tell them who paid it or why. Just treat it as a gift.”
When the couple went to settle their bill, a muffled exclamation could be heard throughout the restaurant. Later I asked the maitre d’ what happened. She said the young woman broke down into tears and exclaimed, “Nothing like this has ever happened to us before. We’ve never won anything or been given anything. Things like this just don’t happen to us.” But it did happen.
Now whenever I think of the incident, it brings on a smile as I remember how once, through empathy and intuition, I felt a strong desire to give freely to another.
A woman should have...
enough money within her control to move out and rent a place of her own,
even if she never wants to or needs to.
A woman should have...
something perfect to wear if the employer,
or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour.
A woman should have...
a youth she’s content to leave behind.
A woman should have...
a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to retelling it in her old age.
A woman should have...
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra.
A woman should have...
one friend who always makes her laugh, and one who lets her cry.
A woman should have...
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family.
A woman should have...
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems,
and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored.
A woman should have...
a feeling of control over her destiny.
Every woman should know...
how to fall in love without losing herself.
Every woman should know...
how to quit a job, break up with a lover,
and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship.
Every woman should know...
when to try harder, and when to walk away.
Every woman should know...
that her childhood may not have been perfect but its over.
Every woman should know...
what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more.
Every woman should know...
how to live alone, even if she doesn’t like it.
Every woman should know...
whom she can trust,
whom she can’t,
and why she shouldn’t take it personally.
Every woman should know...
where to go, be it to her best friend’s kitchen table,
or a charming inn in the woods when her soul needs soothing.
Every woman should know...
what she can and can’t accomplish in a day, a month, and a year.
Every woman should know...
that she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents...
(By Maya Angelou)
I watched Dead Poets Society quite some times ago, maybe around last year. I first knew about the movie from the book I bought at a garage sale and it seemed to me like a good story. The book was written based on the movie so after reading the book, I just knew that I had to get a grip on the movie. Unfortunately, being in Indonesia like I am, it's sometimes very hard to find old movies. Good old movies. I tried searching every place I knew back then, but it was to no avail. So I only had the last option left. I watched it on Youtube. I never regretted it, because it was one of the most inspiring movie I've ever watched.
If you have watched the movie, you would probably have been left thinking after the movie ended. Neil, one of the character, had killed himself due to whichever reasons we were left to argue about. A discussion later on was raised on Dead Poets Society's Facebook group, asking the fans of the movie to express their opinions on who fault was it really that Neil committed the suicide. Here are some excerpts of the opinion.
Some agree that it was Neil's father's fault...
"It was Neil's father's fault. Acting wouldn't have hurt Neil going to med school so the father had no legitimate reason for not allowing him to do so. His father made him miserable and while it was Neil who pulled the trigger, if his father hadn't been so ignorant and harsh the suicide never would have happened." - Mike Darer
While some think that Neil himself was the one to blame...
"I think it was Neil's fault. Mr. Keating was trying to teach the boys to be individuals, not kill yourself. And, yes, Neil's father was an obastacle blocking Neil from his individualism but Neil, with some work, could have overcome. But he didn't work at it at all. He avoided the problem. In the end, his ultimate avoidance presented itself as suicide. Sure, Neil's father made life difficult but I'm not sure if I would blame him." - Emily Ouellette
"You guys are kinda missing the point since it was a suicide, the only person we can blame of Neil's death is well, Neil. Because neither Mr. Keating or Neil's father pulled the trigger. It was Neil. He made the choice to kill himself." - Stuart Benson
And Erica Baffa agreed with him,
"The above statement hit the nail on the head. In the end, Neil pulled the trigger, which made the scapegoating later all the more ridiculous. Then again, the "investigation" was encouraged by Neil's family, so in the end it's probably Neil's dad's fault that Keating lost his job." - Erica Baffa
Now here's what I think. I think, partially it's Mr. Keating's fault. He should've understood, or foreseen more clearly, that not all the boys had developed strong enough personality to discover who they really were. Some boys needed special and different approach than the others. Some found their own ways without his help. Like Knox, he found his own courage to talk to Chris through the poems, although it was true that Keating introduced them to the poems. It should be different with Neil. Neil's case wasn't the same as Knox, Mr. Keating couldn't just rely on the poems and expect Neil to figure out things by himself. And, I also sense Keating had a personal hope on him. Keating wanted Neil to succeed. I think it's the reason why he let down his guard a bit as a teacher whose job was to solely navigate his students' way, not telling him to go a certain way. His job was to SHOW what way might be the best for the student, but without pouring all his perspectives while he knew the student had high regard of his opinions. Keating took it a little bit too far when he told Neil that Neil should talk to his father or pursue his dream and crossed a boundary. He should've let Neil decide when was the best time to approach his own father and he should've prepared Neil until he developed a certain level of maturity before pushing him to do such confrontation which was clearly still being perceived as radical in society they were in. That way, Neil wouldn't be too fragile when obstacles hit him. I think Keating was too eager to see Neil succeed therefore he wasn't being as careful as he should be. I think he slipped and that's why he needed to leave because it was partly his fault.
I couldn't say any opinion was wrong because it can be interpreted from various perspectives. A girl has pointed out a very good point on how seeing this movie as we all should be. Here's what she said:
"Neil killed himself because at that moment, he had LIVED. "I went to the woods to live deliberately ... so that when it came time for me to die, I would not learn that I had not lived." Neil made the choice to kill himself. Mr. Keating wanted the boys, all of them, to make their own decisions for their own lives, so that when it came time for them to die, they would have lived by their own decisions. Neil's father was making deicisions for Neil, and Neil was still a minor, so it's not unusual in the 1950s for affluent parents to map out the lives of their children. Instead of growing a set, like Mr. Keating encouraged the boys to do, Neil killed himself. The movie isn't a disseratation on the reasons for suicide, it's an argument for living your life to the fullest. And it followed the traditional (and highly effective) formula of killing off one of the heroes so that the audience leaves thinking about what they've witnessed. If you don't kill one of the heroes, your message carries no weight. It's a happily ever after Disney story, whitewashed of all significance." - Erica Dunn
And her opinion solemnly closed the discussions for me.
I found a blog post that raised an interesting subject: Who are the men in your life? I got into thinking and I thought it would be easy to answer it. The truth is, it wasn't as easy as I thought it would be even though I wouldn't consider it difficult to single out these men as the men in my life, either.
1. My father
My father has always been a contradiction in my life. He has played a great role in my life, both negatively and positively. He has always been a perfect father figure in terms of financial support. He raises his two daughters well and sends them to school. He takes full responsibility in their education and comfort in growing up. However, he has never been a caring father figure. In the younger days, I lacked so much of his affection that I grew up as a daughter feeling exiled from her own father. He had his share of secrets and abusive behavior whether they were verbal or physical, whether they were accidental or intentional. Having said all that, he is still an important man in my life and I love him. He's much a better man now and a loving father, too. I sense his abundant love towards me and my sister and I can feel nothing except touched and loved.
2. My English teacher
Carl is my second father. I recall our first encounter when he entered the class and introduced himself as the new teacher. I resented him and his trying-to-be-witty sense of humor. But then, I fell for his intelligence and his teaching style. He immediately became the only adult I could confide in. He was so understanding and supportive, he never got mad at me and he talked to me. He didn't look down on me or considered me as someone not worth his while. Instead, he took great interest in my development as an angry teenager and as a bright student. When I was in great despair, he showed me a way. When I was confused and tired, he gave me space and time. When I was back on my feet, he tapped my head and said, "Welcome back." He is the type of teacher that will constantly give me the hardest questions in exam only because he thinks that if he did otherwise, he would be underestimating my ability. He is the kind of teacher that will always look out for me and wish for the best thing for me. I reach all potentials within me because of him. I become who I am today with his help. He is my father, my friend, my brother, my teacher, my enemy and my guardian.
3. My Economics teacher
Paul is someone I shamelessly intend to learn so much from. He is my economics teacher, one who can actually provoke an interest in learning Economics within me. I hated the subject so I was appalled myself when I found myself enjoying his lectures. He is the kind of man who will make you want to admire him. His humble personality, his strong faith in his God, family and himself, his admiration towards his father, his knowledge, his intelligence, and his moral values are joined harmonically within him. He treats everyone as if they were special and he stands his ground firmly when he has to defend what he believes in. He has so many things to share to the world and he does spread a little bit wisdom here and there, trying to move as subtly as he can. He isn't the kind of man who wants to be known for what he does, but more of a man who wants the world to get a glimpse of the complexity of his profound thoughts. He chooses not to be ignorant but to be affectionate. He cares for matters and he wishes everyone to care, too. He is strongly opinionated and softly spoken. He is a great teacher by nature, even though he perhaps lacks the years of experience, as he likes to humbly convince everyone. He is the man behind the scene, unwilling to be recognized but eager to participate in making the world a better place.
4. My best friend
Seth is the one and only best friend I have who I've never even met before in my entire life. My encounter with him was the most bizarre thing that has ever happened to me and yet, I'm glad it happened. My friendship with him was one of the easiest friendships I've ever experienced and one of the most natural things I've ever needed to do. Not only did we 'click' with each other but soon I found him as a person who I can seek advice from and talk about everything with. He is not judgmental. He is realistic and honest. He is persuasive and well-intentioned. He is the kind of person who will always tell you honestly about what he thinks and feels and yet, still can find the best way to utter them to you. He has big dreams and he can influence you easily with his spirit and vision. He can make you want the things he tells you, because he will make it sound too valuable not to experience. Talking to him is really, really easy. He is silly and clumsy in his own way, smart and opinionated in his own way, and special in every way. As crazy as this sounds, given the fact that I've never even talked to him in person, I appreciate his presence in my life as a dear friend and a good man. Having the chance to know him was truly a privilege.
So, who are the men in your life?
I have my life as most people do.
I see my life as few people do.
I live my life a little bit differently.
My world is not just something I live and see.
My world is something bigger than this earth,
Beyond my imagination and resides on a paper.
I own my universe and I am free.
I am the ruler of my heart and mind,
Controlled by affection,
Filled with desire,
Ruled by truth,
Carefully and passionately.
When I surrender to someone,
It is not when I give up,
It is when I win the battle,
and reward myself with a prize.
I let no one stand in my way.
I am prisoner to no one.
I set things, I care for matters,
and I learn to complete them.
Whenever I fail,
I leave it a bit better than when I found it.
Being imperfect,
Doesn't mean I can't do perfect things.
I bear wisdom and possibilities,
and I run on reality to my dreams.
I create music in my heart,
then I dance with my pen and tap with my words.
To breathe is to write.
World may be against me all day long,
but nothing can keep me apart from imagination.
World may be turning into lies,
but away won't the words and ideas fly.
I hold nothing but faith.
I keep nothing but hopes.
I give up on no one,
I am a prisoner to no one.
I am myself when I create lines.
I am someone when I write.
...believe he's out there. Somewhere.
But,
Then I have days like today. Today, I don't believe. Today I realized it has been more than 5 years since someone loved me. It seems like forever. I've been trying to remember what it feels like and I can't.
I can't remember what it's like to talk until the sun comes up; to feel those butterflies every time I hear his name; to have someone to be the big spoon; to think of every time I listen to a song; to have someone for my own; to have someone to dote on and take care of; to have someone to come along on this journey - wherever it takes me. I can't remember what it's like to love someone and actually not have my heart broken in result.
Don't get me wrong, if you have already. I'm not a sappy girl who waits around for Mr. Right. I'm not a sappy girl who waits for The One. I don't buy those kinds of crap. I'm a happy girl living her life. I'm a happy girl pursuing her dreams. I'm a happy girl who just wants to be brave enough to love. I'm a happy girl who just happens to be very unlucky in love.
I miss it. Today I missed it a lot. I'm hoping tomorrow is better.
So,
I want to believe...
...believe he's out there. Somewhere. The actual thing is, I'm not sure if I want to hope anymore. I am tired of telling myself to hope for tomorrow. To hope that tomorrow will be better. I can say, at this point, that I'm really running low on faith.
