Accepting Compliments.

Like many women, I have trouble accepting compliments. Part of my resistance is linked to matters of modesty: I want the world to see that I love myself, but don’t want the world to believe that I LOOOOOOOOOVE myself. I have a tough time figuring out when I appear healthily proud of my innate hotness, and when I’m coming off as a self-absorbed weenie. It’s a fine line, ya know?

And then, of course, there’s the disbelief factor. Seriously? You think I have great smile? You love this dress on me? You’re probably just making conversation. Or being polite. Or maybe you just got back from an eye appointment and your pupils are the size of hubcaps and EVERYTHING looks sparkly to you. I want to believe people when they say nice things about me--my style, my looks, my talents--but doubt often eclipses acceptance.

I work at it, though. I actively practice both accepting compliments and giving them. When my internal naysayer yammers, I drown her out with reminders that compliments are verbal gifts. Doubting them is both rude and ridiculous. After all, why would a person go out of her way to remark aloud on something if she didn’t truly find it pleasing?

Deflecting compliments from friends and strangers carries the risk of slight insult. Doubting the people who likes me hurts them. Especially if it's someone that likes you. You know. And, my dears, that simply won’t do.

Now some of you are in relationships; some aren't. But I’m telling you right now: Regardless of relationship status, when a man says that you have sexy hips or fabulous personality or beautiful smile, you’ve got to believe him.

Here are three important reasons to accept the compliments.

1. Taste is a very real phenomenon. Just as people have preferences for certain types of food and clothing and music, people have preferences for certain types of personalities. Just because YOU don’t love certain part of yourself, doesn’t mean your man can’t go crazy for them. Give him some credit for knowing what he likes most.

2. Compliments are gifts. You may struggle to love your own body every day--as so many women do, myself included. What better reason to soak up those adoring words? Think of any compliments that your loved one gives you as glimpses of yourself from his perspective. And revel in them.

3. You've gotta trust the man. As you’ve no doubt heard ad nauseum, trust is a pillar of all successful relationships. Refusing a compliment from your man reveals a lack of trust. You don’t trust him to be honest with you, you don’t trust him to judge what is beautiful, you don’t trust him to say something genuinely nice about you without harboring an ulterior motive. He might feel these and any number of other doubts when you brush him off.

I know it’s hard, but work at it. I do. When he compliments you, thank him for being so sweet. When he sings his praises, let that desire and adoration radiate through you. When you’re shining and he exclaims out loud, "You are beautiful.", don’t you dare say, “Oh, stop it.”

Instead, say, “Gracias, baby!"