Nightmares.

"The untold truths of wisdom lie solely in the beating of the heart of an ill-treated child whose wounds will heal and heart will seal, but memory will never die." -Savannah Marion

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I hear your loud screaming

As I scramble down under my bedcover.

Your angry, hateful obscenities are getting louder.

I try to cover my ears.

Your footsteps stop outside my door.

Suddenly, the door opens up.

I shake in terror in the dark

As you shove me violently down to the floor.

You start to yell at me,

Verbally abuse me.

Learning a long time not to talk back

I only listen, intimidated and terrified.

A sudden blow on my head interrupts my silent prayers.

Another blow on my upper arm.

My back, my tiny legs, my and my neck.

Stop bashing me up!

I cry out, hurt and traumatized

In agony I howl.

The only thing I get in return is

Another strike for being too loud.

Help me, Papa.

Take me away from the nightmare I'm in.

Papa is nowhere in sight

While his little girl is being slapped.

Where are you?

Why aren't you helping me?

All I can hear is the sound of my tears rolling.

I can taste my salty tears in my mouth.

Mommy pulls me by my hair.

Shouting how unfortunate to her I am.

Help me, Papa.

Help me.

Under the light I see my bruises and scars.

My legs trembled

My black-and-blue arms

My ears ringing

I look around, whimpering

As Mommy cries out, "Shut up,

You unfortunate girl! Everyone will hear!"

I cut short, scared to death.

As I lie here on the cold floor,

My tears are streaming without control.

As a little child, little did I know,

That my own mother is slowly killing my soul.

The thought of being alone terrifies me,

I start to sob loudly.

Knowing I have got to stop,

I bite my lips bitterly.

Too late,

Mommy comes back.

She shouts at me as being unfortunate,

And how she regrets having me born.

Help me.

I slowly drift away.

Coldness surrounds my heart and freezes it.

Maybe I am dying,

Maybe that will be better.

I wake up in the next morning,

All bruises and scars are healing.

Instead of angry face I saw last night,

She smiles and kisses me with warmth.

"You shouldn't be a bad child,

It's your fault you had to endure the punishment!"

She pats me on the head,

Walking away.

I feel a little bit better,

Believing it was all my faults.

Determined to make it all well,

I put on a new hope and smile.

A short while later after being better...

I still am cautious in everything I do.

I watch everything I say,

Not wanting to get beaten up again.

It seems like I am never right,

It seems like I am never enough,

I know I'll soon face what my heart is scared of

I know it's matter of time until I'm bruised again.

I wake up with sweats all over my body,

And realize these all happened a long time ago.

I am well now and I love my mother,

But the nightmares will stay with me forever.

(Thanks Hawon Lee)