I want to...

...believe he's out there. Somewhere.

But,

Then I have days like today. Today, I don't believe. Today I realized it has been more than 5 years since someone loved me. It seems like forever. I've been trying to remember what it feels like and I can't.

I can't remember what it's like to talk until the sun comes up; to feel those butterflies every time I hear his name; to have someone to be the big spoon; to think of every time I listen to a song; to have someone for my own; to have someone to dote on and take care of; to have someone to come along on this journey - wherever it takes me. I can't remember what it's like to love someone and actually not have my heart broken in result.

Don't get me wrong, if you have already. I'm not a sappy girl who waits around for Mr. Right. I'm not a sappy girl who waits for The One. I don't buy those kinds of crap. I'm a happy girl living her life. I'm a happy girl pursuing her dreams. I'm a happy girl who just wants to be brave enough to love. I'm a happy girl who just happens to be very unlucky in love.

I miss it. Today I missed it a lot. I'm hoping tomorrow is better.

So,

I want to believe...

...believe he's out there. Somewhere. The actual thing is, I'm not sure if I want to hope anymore. I am tired of telling myself to hope for tomorrow. To hope that tomorrow will be better. I can say, at this point, that I'm really running low on faith.