I want to...

...believe he's out there. Somewhere.

But,

Then I have days like today. Today, I don't believe. Today I realized it has been more than 5 years since someone loved me. It seems like forever. I've been trying to remember what it feels like and I can't.

I can't remember what it's like to talk until the sun comes up; to feel those butterflies every time I hear his name; to have someone to be the big spoon; to think of every time I listen to a song; to have someone for my own; to have someone to dote on and take care of; to have someone to come along on this journey - wherever it takes me. I can't remember what it's like to love someone and actually not have my heart broken in result.

Don't get me wrong, if you have already. I'm not a sappy girl who waits around for Mr. Right. I'm not a sappy girl who waits for The One. I don't buy those kinds of crap. I'm a happy girl living her life. I'm a happy girl pursuing her dreams. I'm a happy girl who just wants to be brave enough to love. I'm a happy girl who just happens to be very unlucky in love.

I miss it. Today I missed it a lot. I'm hoping tomorrow is better.

So,

I want to believe...

...believe he's out there. Somewhere. The actual thing is, I'm not sure if I want to hope anymore. I am tired of telling myself to hope for tomorrow. To hope that tomorrow will be better. I can say, at this point, that I'm really running low on faith.

1 comments:

Unknown Tuesday, September 08, 2009 3:20:00 AM  

I am waiting for my soulmate and still leading a happy life. You don't have to be one or the other. He will come, you'll see.

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Loompaland

My great hope is to laugh as much as I cry; to get my work done and try to love somebody and have the courage to accept the love in return.

Oompa Loompa

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I am lousy in explaining myself in words as I believe articulating something as complicated as personality stringed together in sentences does no justice to the profoundness in me. I may not know much but I know this much is true. I have morbid fascination over people's stories regardless where they came from or what background they grew up in. I indulge in their stories not because I'm nosy but because I find them enriching mine. I wish to be awed by the possibilities and differences I find in people from all over the world and I never hesitate to befriend them if the attraction is likewise. I am a creature of language, emotions, rationality experiences, comprehension, and love. I use words and ideas to change the world, I cling to my emotions and rationality to yield decisions, I base my decisions on experiences, I define skewed things I find through a weak attempt of comprehension and I love almost everyone.