My Patronus.

If you had read Harry Potter's books, you would've been familiar with Patronus Charm. It's a charm cast to get rid of Dementors, creatures that suck the life out of you. Dementors create this miserable feeling around you that makes you feel you're in great despair out of no logical reasons. Earlier, I had been thinking... we all have our Dementors, don't we all? There are things that make you feel very sad out of nowhere and just suck the happiness out of you. So... if you had to cast a Patronus charm to rid of the heavy feelings... what would your happiest memories be? I got into thinking... and voila, I have my list :)

1. Quoting lines from movies. Oh, I love doing this! I don't quote from famous people because I think that's... common. Everyone does that. But the characters in movies... they're people. Real people. Real life story. Oh, I love it.

2. Watching a cartoon movie and laughing uncontrollably. It makes me feel like I'm redeeming all the happy times I've lost or didn't have in my earlier years.

3. A nice cool room to sleep in. The theory is so simple: you can always have more blankets but you can't be more naked if it's too hot to handle.

4. Cuddling. Sitting together. No words spoken. That's life.

5. Holding hands. Unlike other people, I like holding hands when walking. And light chats exchanged along with it. Who wouldn't love it?

6. A high defined conversation. Not TV. Conversation. I like conversing. Especially with my person. Or should I say, people. Talking about nothing, talking about everything. Feeling all the feeling. It's enriching and always, always makes me happy.

7. A cocky person who finally gets what he or she deserves. Urgh, I feel so satisfied whenever I see a cocky person gets humiliated. So wrong, but damn, I hate cocky people very, very much.

8. Writing. I suck. But it makes me happy. Period.

9. Self-degrading jokes. In a twisted way, self-degrading jokes always make me laugh. Apparently, I think that beyond the laughs, it really takes a very big-hearted and optimistic person to laugh at him or herself. But please, self-degrading jokes. Not lack of self-confidence.

10. Dreams. Things that I want to do, things that I want to have, they're addictive. I can think about them all day and feel happy because of them. The yearning is sometimes too intense to bear but it does make me happier.

11. Games! Witty games shared among friends. Lame games that make us all laugh until our face become silly. Games that bring us closer than before.

12. Watching P.S. I Love You. Great story, great music, great guys, great lines, do I need to say more? It's Gerard Butler and Jeffrey Dean Morgan in one freaking movie. I will one day watch this movie with the love of my life. I swear to God.

13. Starbuck's iced green tea latte. The milk... yum.

14. Sitting with someone playing music in the room. Piano. Violin. Guitar. You name it. Watching the person plays beautifully and letting the mind wander... it's really magical. You wouldn't have known if you hadn't tried it.

15. Humming. Not singing. I repeat, not singing. I don't sing. I hum. That's the best I can do. Or if miracle happens, I sing along. Along people, along songs. I don't sing alone. I sing along.

16. The time my old English teacher hugged me and said, "I never thought I'd say this and you will not, ever, hear me saying this again, but I'm really, really proud of you."

17. Fooling my little sister. Once, I wanted her to do something from me so I told her, "You know what, if one day you can be older than me, I'll do things for you. Now, just do this for me." She bought it. And that triumphant feeling... I can't help but to tell the world about it. 

18. Every time my person says something to me that makes me realize that he or she really gets me. He gets me. She gets me. That is the greatest feeling one can have. Total opposite of feeling lonely. Can you imagine that? :)

19. The cool fresh air when you're standing in front of a mountain resort at 6 o'clock in the morning with your eyes closed.

20. The smell of the fresh cut grass below your body when you lie upon a grassland.

21. Talking to a blind man.

22. Beautiful English wordings. In two other words: Jane Austen. See, now she can make anyone wants to learn English.  

23. Watching babies asleep. I do this often, and don't ask me how. I just do, and I love it. The peacefulness is really healing.

24. Horse riding. Oh God. There's no outdoor activity can top this one. Riding a horse across a grass field or even rocky roads... or along the beach line... Ah.

25. The moment when I teach someone about something I presume would be valuable to her survival, and he or she listens intently at me, and I just can see that what I'm teaching him or her is sinking in... I feel like I've touched a life.

26. The first time my mother hugged me. Not as a baby.

And if I did have a Patronus Charm, it'd be in a form of a horse. Beautiful, strong, healthy horse. Definitely.

Live life. Love life. Cheers.

Never say never.

We spend our whole lives worrying about the future, planning for the future, trying to predict the future, as if figuring it out will cushion the blow. But the future is always changing. The future is the home of our deepest fears and wildest hopes. But one thing is certain when it finally reveals itself. The future is never the way we imagined it.

A tribute to Indonesia... or an attempt at one.

Yeah, I wrote this. And I'm never good in poems. But I tried. Hmph.

---

Starry Sky

Stop and look at the star-lit sky.
Studded with stars that cannot fly.
Stand on the grassland and stare at them,
Shining gleefully onto the bamboo stems.

Pause and watch the sparkling stream,
Sitting calmly under the moonlight beam.
Water so cold with hundred mysteries,
Waiting for a knight to dip and reveal.

Hold your breath and watch the world,
Eyes fixed and all tongues curled.
Wait for the incoming shred of hope,
Ready to relinquish all tragedies foretold.

written by Nicole.

Two local foreigners invading the city! [Part Two]

Written by Amanda!

ok, I know it's about almost too late to write this note, but I promised and still want to... so here is the second part of this note...

last we speak, B and Andy had just left Museum Bank Mandiri for Museum Nasional..
we took busway to get there... and all along the way, we kept on being quite a neck breaker... no, not because we started to look like a real foreigner.. it's only because we're still wearing our sunglasses.. LOL.. (I wonder why it seems so weird here to wear sunglasses... considering our striking sun...)

ok, back to the story.. we got off the bus at Monumen Nasional stop... it was right in front of the museum nasional... (oh, btw, in case any of you doesn't know yet, museum nasional is museum gajah....) and yet I wonder again why the bus stop was named Monumen Nasional while it's still about half a kilometer away from Monas' entrance, yet it's right in front of Museum Nasional....

we entered the Museum's gate, and took just few picture around the front yard... and not to forget speaking in English while doing so... now, the souvenir seller that heard us talking instantly assumed that we're foreign tourists... VOILA! and the museum's staff that hear the souvenir guy talking in English to us also instantly assumed that we're foreign tourists.... another voila...! xD
so we succeeded buying the ticket in English,,
and we look down at the ticket,,
and at the price.........
"adult ticket price: Rp 750
children ticket price: Rp 250"

no. way.
this is way to cheap!!!
and B seems to agree even more to me in this!
and she is a Chinese...! she's supposed to be, mm, scrooge? haha, LOL... just kidding...

anyway, this turn out to be the best museum we went to today...
started by a psycho king statue that stand on a pile of skulls and have Buddha on it's head,,

then off to accessories store.. ups, I mean ancient accessories display, that looks a lot like what we wear today... (and they say this is the LATEST fashion?)

and as it turns out, they have miniature houses that looks a lot like the real one,, and it's AS BIG AS the ones in taman mini! look look...!

well, then again, what I meant is it was as big as 1/20 of the ones in taman mini... xP LOL

and then, we went to various rooms, got followed by local-sundanese-talking kids that seemed to believe that we're foreigners... so we went to other room, which happen to display traditional clothing and masks and so on... in the middle of admiring (and giggling at times (don't ask why, there's just always something funny to find in those traditional thingy)) those local-sundanese-talking kids APPROACH US!!
they asked if they can take a picture with us

holy shit! huahahahahahahaha.....! finally, somebody, some people in fact, believe that we're actually foreigners, so much that they want to take picture with us....
well, since they've annoyed us (read: me) for a while then, we (read: I) neglected to ask for another picture with them to be taken by our cameras.... so, no picture for you guys..... sorry...

anyway, we then go further into that room, and while B said that this is her most favourite room of all,, I, on the other hand, notice 3 things about this room...
first: it's porno

second: it's bluntly porno

third: it's unbelievably porno..

WHAT THE HECK IS THAT STATUE DOING???

















good God... and she said this is her favourite room.... hmmm...

anyway, enough with the porno room... we're off to the other part of the museum now! yeay! the one that's connected by the glass bridge.... the one that seems kinda exiting (because this part has a big banner outside it...)
and just when we're opening the door to the bridge,,
a security staff is already there to greet us,,
and he said:
"maaf mba, kita mau tutup dulu buat makan siang......"

................
"sorry? what? I don't understand a word you said..."
...........
@!#$%^&%$#@%(*@^#&$*&^@%^&#%*$^&^@$&#$^!!!!!
DAMN!

ok... since we were foreign tourists, and foreign tourists are polite (or so we assumed), we gave up trying to get more of this museum, and off to find something to eat.... meanwhile, the nearest restaurant around is in sarinah... so we went there, gave up our english-speaking manner, and eat at hot planet.... haha!

and once we sat down, somehow the willingness to continue the journey kinda evaporated... and this is why we ended up not going to Monas.... LOL... we're both such procrastinator that often ended up not doing things... so hot planet is the last place we went to...

while sitting there, chatting, we realize one thing,,
there are so many things we can do in only half a day...
and hadn't we went on the journey that day, the only things we'd most likely have done would only be taking a bath and going to campus.... so much for the overrated education.. xP

it was such a fun day... not exactly relaxing, not physically... but definitely was a very nice getaway...
you should try that someday... while we both here are also looking forward to other journeys.. oh! and we also welcome anyone who'd like to join us...

anyway, this is the only picture that has both of us...
(most of the time we took only each others' pic)

greetings, Andy and B

People from All Around The World.

This is based on my real life experience, one I rarely tell people about. 

I feel lucky that I've got the chance to know some nice people around the world. I've come to realize that there are so many things I've yet to see and so many lessons I've yet to learn. Meeting these people from all around the world opens my eyes to the unknown treasures. As one once said, "What's life without a little bit risk?" Life is a chance you have to take on. It's short. And you can only have it once. If we don't do what we want to right now, how do we know that the same opportunity will present itself twice in our life? This is not about learning and trying new things. This is also about opening your heart to accept and get to know new people.

"If you judge people, you have no time to love them."

How true. Sometimes, we spend the whole time judging everyone we meet and we simply overlook their unique characteristics and forget to love them. In every person, there is the bright and the dark side. There's a good side and the evil side. What matters is which side we choose to act on. Of course, nobody's perfect. It is difficult to see all the goodness in every person and love them anyway. Why is it difficult? Because what meets the eyes often are the badness of a person. By noticing their weakest points, we gain the feeling of being stronger and more powerful. We thought we would look better. It's sad how we should secure ourselves with such a way. Isn't it better if we meet all the great people in the world and learn from them? Even, we can learn from every person, not just the great ones.

I met Tony in Milan, Italy, two years ago. The encounter left a deep impression on me. At that time, I was in the middle of a shopping spree program designed by my tour guide. Of course, my family and I couldn't afford the stuffs. All the shops lining neatly were branded shops such as Gucci, Louis Vuitton, etc,. Therefore, we decided to switch to all nation's hang-out place, McDonalds. That was where I met him. When we walked into the restaurant, the place was very crowded. After sifting through the tables, we (my mother, my sister and I) found an empty table with a cup of coffee half full on it. I thought someone had left the table and whoever that person must've decided to leave the coffee, so we sat down. Not long after, there was a Western guy came over and told us that the coffee was his. He then took the cup and was about to leave when I suddenly felt uneasy. I knew there was nowhere else to sit. I then told him that he should take my seat but he refused my offer. I insisted before he reluctantly accepted my offer. We sat down without talking to each other for few minutes. Then I felt a sudden urge to smile at him. It was the simples gesture on earth but at that time, it was not easy to do that. I didn't grow up in a friendly neighborhood/society where everyone smiles at strangers easily. But I did it anyway, and boy, aren't I glad I did it. He returned my smile with a much more friendly smile and we got to talking. My mother, being a sensitive and negative person she is, seemed not to like the idea of me getting in a conversation with a stranger. I knew she was eager to interrupt me but she was rather helpless since she couldn't speak any English. She only eyed me stiffly from where she sat but I couldn't care less about her. Tony had this soothing calm voice that reflected a glimpse of playfulness and he immediately had my undivided attention. We were sitting rather closely and since I wasn't really confident on my listening skill, I leaned towards him to hear his every words and I think this was another reason why my mother would love to drag me out of the store.

I was grateful having met Tony that day, I still am and I will always be, because he told me how I had brightened up his day. He told me that he was from New York and he visited Italy to live with his brother for few months. There would be someone who would come from New York to join him. He said he'd been hanging around the city for three weeks and always ending up at McDonalds. He would sit alone, watching people come and go while sipping his hot coffee. When I asked him what he did for a living, he took out an old picture of his. He was a wedding dress designer and the picture showed a very good-looking, well-cut, friendly, and lively young man dressed in suit. We had a great casual talk, until I asked him why he spent his times rather meaninglessly in Italy. I wondered why he didn't visit somewhere more exciting or do something more challenging. It was when I asked the question that he unbuttoned his shirt and showed me a lump on his chest. He told me, he only had 3 more months to live. And the last thing he wanted would be wasting time traveling from one point to another. The time spent on the journey themselves was too precious. It didn't matter where he was, or who he spent time with. It was rather a confusing concept for me to digest so I probed deeper. I asked him how could he feel satisfied spending 3 weeks sitting alone with bad coffee at McDonalds? He then told me that he was never alone. He saw a lot of people. Tourists walked by, all happy and glowing. People were laughing and enjoying the times of their lives. They looked so blissfully happy, he could share their happiness and felt happy too. I was rather speechless. It was before I was about to tell him how I didn't believe him when I saw his old wrinkled face and I realized, he wasn't telling a lie. Tony said, "I don't need people feeling sorry for me because I'm about to die. I'm happy when someone came over and said hi." I only smiled to his words. He continued, "If I make someone's life easier only by offering him or her a seat, it's really enough. The little things matter."

I almost cried. And I am the last person on Earth who would or could cry in public. Not only I was touched by his words but the way he said it was so... simple. And peaceful. He was beaming and I couldn't cry. I couldn't offend him in such a way. I listened to him, relenting to speak more than necessary and letting him touch my soul. During those 20 minutes, he told me so many things. And at last, we finished the conversation and he stood up. He offered to buy me some ice cream. I told him it was supposed to be on me but he only laughed at me. He then had this playful spark in his eyes when he told me that I would make the perfect daughter one can ask for. He regretted the fact I couldn't be his daughter and he offered me to go back to NY with him and marry his youngest son, Richard. He went on promoting his son, telling me how he was a handsome (not as handsome as he was when he was young, though, he said) and successful 29-year-old lawyer. I didn't know what to say. I asked him why he could even think of joking about something like that. He replied, "I've prepared some stuffs for Richard's brothers and sisters, but he's the only one whom I haven't prepared anything for. So, why not a nice girl from him? You are beautiful, very nice, and you would make the perfect gift."

I didn't accept compliments daily. But I've received compliments for sure. As a human, there were some people who hated me and some who loved me. But never ever, in my 19 years of life, I felt so beautiful and appreciated. I felt like I've done something very good. I was... what I felt was pure joy and gratitude. What I did was only... talk. I really felt like I was the most beautiful woman at that time and I did cry.  I hugged him and told him, "I'd really love to do that. I'd love to go New York and marry your son. Thank you. But now, I gotta go because my tour guide is calling me over there." Tony kissed both of my cheeks and smiled, "Thanks for accepting the offer. Have a safe trip and enjoy your holiday."

Enjoy your holiday. These three cliche words have always been meaningless to me, I always took them for granted. I never thought how a cup of coffee could brighten both of our days so much. I came to a realization that you would never, never know when you'd meet someone really special. Someone so special, he or she would leave such a deep impression in your heart. I would never find out that Tony was in need of a friend to talk to or that he would die in few months' time, had I decided not to offer him my seat. I couldn't imagine what I would've missed had I been as grumpy, negative and suspicious as my mother. I probably would only sit beside Tony with a stinky face and did nothing. I learned a lesson that day. A little smile can start something worthwhile. So, be nice to everybody. Spread love everywhere you go. Let no one leaves you without being happier. And it could be anyone. Not only someone you meet on vacation but probably someone you sitting next to you on the bus to work this morning

If today I haven't said my prayer, I will do it now. I'm thanking for the opportunity to having met Tony. We came from different worlds, different parts of the Earth, different races and different generations. Different backgrounds and different paths of life. But still, we met. Today is almost exactly two years after my encounter with Tony. I met him 19 July 2007 on the afternoon. It's 17 July 2009 today. I hope he's happy wherever he is right now. And I hope Richard had received his gift from his father.

(dedicated to Tony Morgan)

15 Big, Fat Lies We Tell Ourselves.

1. Everything would be great if I lost weight/quit my job/got a man, etc. 
No, everything would be just like it is now, except you'd weigh less, be unemployed or have someone to watch Lost with—and there's a chance you'd be complaining about something new. Happiness and satisfaction come from within, and you're capable of appreciating the good things that are in your life right now.

2. Hard work speaks for itself. 
I don't need to ask for recognition. This is the little lie that spares you the potential awkwardness of having to toot your own horn (which, admittedly, can be uncomfortable!). But the fact is, unless you do the tooting, all you're likely to hear is silence.

3. He really loves me; he's just afraid to commit. 
Why would you choose someone who won't choose you? If he's really afraid of love, then maybe you should be afraid of him.

4. They'll never know I lied. 
Even if you don't get caught and life goes on, it's not quite the same. Funny how lying makes you think everyone else is too.

5. He cheated on her, but he wouldn't ever cheat on me. 
And you believe him because he, the guy who lied to his last girlfriend about being faithful, promised you he'd…be faithful?

6. I just couldn't say no. 
Actually, you could have, but it's hard to say no when you know that's not what the other person wants to hear. Figuring out your real reasons for not wanting to say it—maybe you're scared of disapproval or anger, for instance—could help you work up the courage to utter the dreaded (yet so liberating) little syllable

7. Some people have all the luck (and I'm not one of them). 
This one's a lie that undermines your power to control your destiny—and to claim the credit when good things do come your way. Because the more you believe in luck, the less you believe in yourself.

8. I can quit anytime. The cigarettes. The toxic boyfriend. The nonstop shopping. 
Telling yourself that you have a bad habit but that you could always drop it is crafty. By admitting that what you're hooked on isn't good for you, you think you're on top of things. If you're really on top of things, prove it: Quit.

9. If I looked like Sienna Miller, everything would be easy. 
Do you really think a breezy, rejection-free life is there waiting for someone just because she's gorgeous? Rich? Tall? Hello! Jude boinked the nanny!

10. I'll buy it—but only after I lose some weight. 
Maybe you will lose the weight this time. But if you're always living as if perfection is just around the corner, you're denying reality—and missing out on being happy in thenow.

11. Nobody appreciates my genius. 
Maybe you are an undiscovered Van Gogh. But if you're so talented, you should be able to find a way to share that brilliance with the world.

12. A little tan won't hurt. 
What part of "wrinkles" and "cancer" don't you believe? Thinking you're immune from life's tough stuff is a sign that you don't value life's great stuff.

13. Sure, I'd love to go. 
If you really would like to go, terrific. Saying yes to life is wonderful, if you mean it. Saying yes reflexively to any and every invitation—your cousin's boss's baby shower, for example—could mean you're giving up your life to enhance everyone else's.

14. I don't need any help. 
Denying that you need emotional support, someone to make you laugh or just a ride to the airport may feel like independence, but it's often a lie that protects you from revealing vulnerability. And nothing makes friends faster than vulnerability.

15. If I had time I'd…write a book/exercise more/go back to school, etc.
You're busy, I'm busy, everybody's busy. Is lack of time a handy excuse for not doing the things you really want to do but are deep-down scared of failing at? Or maybe you can't admit you really don't want to do something anymore because you think letting go of an old goal is the same thing as failing. Just do it—or just don't!

Testament to Life.

We like to think we're fearless, eager to explore unknown lands and soak up new experiences, but the fact is, we're always terrified. Maybe the terror is part of the attraction. Some people go to horror movies. Dive into dark water. And at the end of the day, isn't that what you'd rather to hear about? If you've got one drink and one friend and 45 minutes. Slow rides make for boring stories. A little calamity. Now that's worth talking about.

I like to think I'm fearless, eager to explore unknown lands and soak up new experiences. I want those things because I don't want to be old someday and look back only to find I haven't done anything bold enough to spice up my boring life. I go to horror movies. I go to military training and jump off from a helicopter. The thrill. The new experience. The point where your wish to withdraw from your bold decision is mixed with the curiosity of finding out the unknown is blissfully addictive. It's the point where you have to make decisions whether to go back or go forward. Whether to be a loser who sits around and watch or a winner who has a chance to look back and smile. I choose to be a winner. I choose to earn my opportunity to look back and smile. I may hurt myself while doing so but I believe the ride is worthwhile. I fall in love. I teach. I touch. I write. I leave trails wherever I go, in hope someone would find it, follow it, and lead the equally exciting life I'm trying to make. I leave trails wherever I go, in hope I would be able to someday look back, see the people who are walking down my trails and smile because I've left my own legacy. My own testament to life.

Taking Notes and Taking Out The Trash

by Bonnie Peterson.

I teach communications and public speaking in the university system of Wisconsin. I am also blind. Taking notes is of course something that is extremely valuable to me. From my experience I believe that note taking is probably one of the most important skills that your children will learn. So what is note taking and how is it valuable?

First of all, note taking is not tape-recorded documentation of information. Note taking is where you, the notetaker, pick and choose the information you wish to retain. For true note taking this must be done in a medium that is flexible and quickly accessible. You also have to be able to take notes under a wide variety of circumstances - while you're standing or sitting; inside or outside; and so forth.

There is no question that the skill and art of note taking leads to active listening. In other words, the better you take notes, the better you listen. You need to listen in order to pick and choose which things you wish to take down. That is, you must be constantly making decisions as you write down notes. When children start to study for tests and exams from notes, they begin to realize the importance of making good decisions - especially if their notes were incomplete and the information they need isn't there. Note taking leads to better decision making skills, and this in turn promotes leadership qualities.

One of the key skills of successful leaders is juggling five or six or more different things at the same time. Successful people are busy people. Once people discover you are a competent, skillful leader everybody wants you. Note taking allows people to function more efficiently and effectively and therefore be more successful.

I take notes on a myriad of topics, and I take them in Braille. I use Braille to write notes to myself about the grades and other important information about my students. I use Braille when I judge speaking competitions. There is no way anyone could remember, or would care to remember, all the intricacies of each speech and each speaker, so I use my Braille for that. I use Braille for political issues, especially public hearings. I also use Braille in my home life. I use it for writing down appointments, grocery lists, and for keeping track of my two daughters' schedules. But it wasn't always that way. I didn't always take notes in Braille.

When I went to school my parents were told that I didn't need Braille; after all I could see. We didn't know about the National Federation of the Blind then. My parents trusted the professionals, so I did not learn Braille as a child. Instead I learned to take notes in a dive-bomb fashion. Now, when you take notes this way - and you can; it is doable - your back and shoulders are hunched up and your nose is literally on the paper as you drag your face across the page. But I didn't need Braille. I could see. And a funny thing happens if you have long hair: it all plops down on the desk, onto your paper, and into your face so you're eating hair while you're trying to take notes. Nobody thinks about those things. You also eliminate what little light there is because your head is blocking it off, and there's a tremendous amount of eye strain. But that's how I took my notes. In between classes I would go into the ladies' room and wash the ink off the tip of my nose.

I went through certain stages in my childhood trying to deal with the fact that I really couldn't see (we didn't use the word blind when I was a child). My family was Polish, and we heard a lot of jokes about Polish people with big noses. So I thought that Polish people must have big noses, and I must have a bigger nose than other people. I remember thinking that if I didn't have this rotten Polish nose, I could get close enough to the paper to read without getting ink on the tip of my nose. Not many people know this, but I decided I could squish down my nose and make it smaller by sleeping face down in my pillow. I really did. But after a few weeks my desire for air and my fear of suffocation while I slept made me give up. I still have the nose with which I was born. So, I gave up my "ethnic nose" stage and I moved into another stage; the "martyr" stage.

By this time I was in eighth grade, early adolescence. For years I had heard people say things like, "Isn't she remarkable? That poor little thing struggles so hard. Look at how good she does with the little that she has." My reaction in this stage became: "Nobody knows the trouble I've seen. Nobody knows but me, and I will endure this for the greater good of society and someday I will be rewarded." However, my "Joan-of-Arc" stage didn't last very long, either. I was quite aware that, like Joan, I was getting burned. I didn't really want people to pity me, to pet me, and tell me how sweet and wonderful I was to endure this hardship. That wasn't what I was about.

So I moved into another stage. This was the "Buck up, Bonnie, and just make the best of this. This is the way the cards of life have been dealt out to you, so watcha' gonna' do?" stage. I stayed in that stage for a long time - a long, long time. When I went to college I was still dive-bombing my paper, of course. The college I went to was quite a ruthless college, by the way. They treated everyone equally. I was fortunate to get a very strong education there.

Communication was the career I chose. In communication classes we did a lot of group analysis. Groups of students were videotaped as they interacted, and professional evaluators critiqued and rated each student within the group according to communication principles and criteria. These evaluations were given to the class instructor, who would then review the evaluations with each student. It was my turn on this one particular evening. I will never forget it - it was nine o'clock in the evening on a Tuesday. My instructor was going through this process with me. On the list of things that I had done was a comment about withdrawing behavior. For those of you who don't know anything about communication jargon, withdrawing behavior is the worst thing that you can do in communication. It's sort of like turning your back on a person-ignoring them. It means that you have taken your consciousness, your essence away from the group. My instructor said, "Bonnie, leading behavior here, challenging behavior here. Those are all positive, but what is this? Withdrawing behavior? You never withdraw. What are you doing here?"

When I told her I didn't know, this upset her more than the behavior itself-that I could do something and not be aware of it. So she read the description from the evaluation to me and asked me again just what I had been doing.

"Well, I was only taking notes."

"Notes aren't withdrawing behavior. Show me what you do when you take notes."

So I dive-bombed the paper and pretended to take notes. So she asked me, "Bonnie, what is the definition of withdrawing behavior?" I regurgitated the definition of withdrawing behavior as any good student should do. She left it at that, but I didn't. I thought about it. She was right. To take my face, my body - the entire portion of my upper torso - away from the group and to be down there on top of that paper for even a millisecond was, of course, withdrawing behavior. This bothered me. I had always been praised and encouraged for taking notes this way. Now someone was telling me, for the first time in my life, how this behavior was interpreted in the real world. I wasn't bothered enough to change anything right away, but I certainly put it on the back burner to simmer.

I continued to dive-bomb my paper even after I stumbled into the National Federation of the Blind and saw wonderful positive blind people doing things that I couldn't do in a million years - like reading and writing (Braille, of course) comfortably and easily. They were people who weren't struggling with eyestrain, which had become such an ordinary fact in the course of my everyday life that I didn't even bother complaining about it. You would think that this would be enough to make me change, but it wasn't. It was the actions of my three-year-old daughter that did it.

I was reading her a book about Dumbo, the elephant. Of course, reading the book meant wrapping it around my face. I still remember how she just looked at me and said, "Daddy read me." What I heard in her words were, "You are stupid; you are embarrassing; I am going to get as far away from you as I can; you're dumb." Now she didn't mean to be cruel, but as far away as a three-year-old could get was across the room to her dad, and that was far enough for me.

I learned Braille with the help of the Federation in two months. By the way, let me tell you something else that you probably won't believe. If any of you would have come to me during the time I was still dive-bombing and offered me one million dollars if I could read back to you notes I had written a month ago, I couldn't have gotten the money from you. I was taking notes that I literally couldn't read. But I knew no other way. It was what the professionals told me I should do.

My parents didn't know a lot about note taking, but they did know about taking out the trash. They knew about providing me with strong values, about teaching me to be responsible, and what it was to do a job well. From the time I was a young child I was expected to do household tasks, make my bed and do it correctly, fold up my clothes, and put them away. By the time I was eight years old I was helping my mom on Saturdays to clean the house. My job was the bathroom, hall, and the steps-the total cleaning thereof. When I was thirteen my mom went to work. It was just going to be a part-time job, she said, just for a little extra spending money in the family. But my mom was so good that she moved up into management full-time. By the time I was fifteen I was grocery shopping, ironing, and taking care of the family. I did all of that and I did it well, for nothing less was acceptable to my parents.

Now, kids are kids - blind or sighted - and they want to get away with what they can, especially if they are creative, and I was. When I was about thirteen I developed a passion for long, hot showers. But soon my long, hot showers began causing the bathroom tiles in our bathroom to fall off the wall. I figured out that if, after a shower, I would just plunk those babies right back up on the wall, they would stay until the next person took a shower, and that person would get the blame, not me, for the falling tiles. Of course, my parents eventually pinned it down to me. Slowly they eliminated the possibilities, and the only possibility that was left was Bonnie. "Stop taking those hot showers," my father said. "Okay, Dad, sure." Of course I was too old for them to monitor my showers. I just opened up the window, fanned out all the hot air, plunked the tiles back up on the wall, and left. The next family member would come in, and plunk, plunk, plunk-down would come the tiles. It was clear that I wasn't going to stop taking long, hot showers; and the tiles were going to keep on plunking down.

Then one day my dad called, "Bonnie!" He was in the bathroom, so I came in and he said, "Here, this is for you." It was a can of tile cement and a trowel. He said, "You're taking these tiles off the walls with these showers. I can't stop you from taking the hot showers. If you're old enough to do it, you're old enough to fix it up, and I'll show you how." And to my dismay, he did.

I soon learned that this tile responsibility was in fact mine. If I put the tile up improperly, or if I didn't squish the tile cement on all the portions of the tile, then the tiles would fall off; and, unlike before, even if this occurred after someone else's shower, I had to go in and fix them. You can imagine the teasing I got from my younger brother and sister. This was too degrading, so you can bet I learned how to be an excellent mason. It taught me many things, this little experience with shower tiles, but I never gave up my love for long hot, showers. When my husband and I built a home we put in a fifty-gallon hot water tank instead of a little thirty-five gallon because I never wanted to run out of hot water. I also amazed the contractors with my knowledge about bathroom tiles, backing, drywall, and ceiling materials. I did not plan on ever putting up bathroom tiles again - especially in my own household.

What did this all mean? What did my parents teach me? They taught me that if you mess it up, you gotta' fix it up. What you do, you need to be responsible for. My parents didn't know the value of Braille, but they did know about other values. They were smart people, and they didn't fall for my adolescent trickery and deceit. My blindness was never an acceptable excuse for getting out of a job that had to be done. They taught me not to shirk responsibility, and they never made excuses for me. If homework had to be done, and it took other students an hour, and it took me two hours, then that's how long it took. I did the job. I did it thoroughly, and I did it well. If there was a test, and it was going to take an hour for other students to take the test, then I needed to figure out a way that I could do it in an hour, too. These lessons about responsibility have stayed with me throughout my life.

My parents thought of the future, of the woman who would be running her own household someday. They thought of the woman who would be married to a man and what a man would want-a responsible wife. They thought of a woman who would be a mother to children and the skills this would require. You need to think about these things for your children. The young children they are now are not the women and the men they will one day be. What will be required of them in the future? This is extremely important for parents to think about and plan for. My parents did, and I shall always be thankful for this.

Trash. There are many things that you can put in and take out with your trash, excuses for one. Pile up all of the excuses that you have about why your child can't do this or that regular chore, and put them in the trash. There are no excuses. People are not rewarded for what they cannot do, or for the least they can do. People get rewarded for what they can do, and the best rewards go to those who do the job the best. My "martyrdom" stage certainly taught me that. I wasn't getting rewarded. I was being pitied, pushed back, and ignored. That's not good. That's not healthy.

Along with the excuses that you throw into the trash, you need also to throw in low expectations about blindness. Replace these with high expectations. So, low expectations, into the trash. The next thing to throw in the trash is negative attitudes about blindness. These can be subtle. They creep up on you. They creep up from other people; people who will tell you, "Oh, don't discipline him-the poor child is blind!" or "You let her do that? But she's blind!" or "Your little boy does so well you wouldn't even know he's blind."

Put all these negative attitudes, low expectations, and excuses in a nice hefty bag, tie it up real tight, take it out with your trash, and bury it in the deepest landfill you can find.

But even when you do this, you will sometimes find yourself in doubt. "Maybe I am pushing my child too hard." "Can she really do this?" "Maybe I am trying to overcompensate." There are more negative attitudes and low expectations about blindness out there than there are positive attitudes and high expectations. But this isn't the way it has to be. There are better attitudes and higher expectations about the blind now than there were in my own childhood.

You are going to have doubts, and yes, you're going to make mistakes. You will not be a perfect parent. No parent is. Parenting is hard work. It's hard work whether you have a blind kid or a sighted kid. But don't let yourself, as a parent, get into that martyrdom stage that I went through as a blind child. You know, the "My goodness, am I not a wonderful parent because of the things that I endure. Someday I will be rewarded." You will not be rewarded any more than I'm going to be rewarded with my kids. Our kids will grow up, go away, and we'll be lucky if we see them at Christmas.

Our job is to train our children to be the best possible people they can be, to pass on to them values of honesty and responsibility. Blindness does not need to change any of our expectations for our children. Whether it is taking notes or taking out the trash, the blind can do it, too.

Paradox of Our Time.

The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings but shorter tempers, wider freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less wellness.

We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom. We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.

We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done larger things, but not better things. 

We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less. 

These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers, throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills that do everything from cheer, to 
quiet, to kill. It is a time when there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom. A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit delete... 

Remember, spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.

Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. 

Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.

Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you. 

Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.

Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.

The law of nature is not to kill or to be killed. It is to touch a person's life and to have yours touched in return.

- George Calin

This goes for you, friend.

This goes for my dear friend, Murni Nelly. 

Meltdowns start when you just go through your life and you're all smiles and don't face those problems. People need to find what it is that makes them feel good about themselves. Face your problems, but don't get attached to them anymore. They're in the past. Find what can make you feel good and do it. For me, it's English, and perhaps writing. They make me feel good. I am just turning my passion into something positive. It was just a matter of thinking, 'I don't to waste any time, I have so many things I have yet to accomplish'. There are SO MANY GOOD THINGS waiting out there for us to accomplish. Why waste time with low self-esteem? We are enough. We are more, in fact. We survived. :)

And one more thing, don't surround yourself by 'yes' people. There's some sort of lack of self-esteem for someone to gravitate towards that kind of energy. It's important to have people who tell you their honest opinion. I have my people. You should find your people. Or at least, your person. Your person... doesn't necessarily have to be your closest friend. Your person... as I once said, is the person you tell things to, not because you want to get his/her approval. It's just that... telling him/her makes things real. If you murdered someone, he/she will be the person you'd call to help you drag the corpse across the living room floor. Find your people, friend, and you will be okay. :)

Truth that whole world must know!

That’s right, if you can drive well in Jakarta, you can drive anywhere else in the world. But the converse is NOT always true.

Picture a typical situation on a bright sunny day in Jakarta with you on the steering wheel of a manual-geared Toyota Kijang. You are on your way from Sudirman to a meeting point at Kebayoran, which is starting in 30 minutes. The traffic jam is at its worst because it’s the peak hour of lunchtime + the end of school hours + rush hour for meetings.

You know the fast lane is not always the best choice as the traffic in the slow lane usually slackens off after a major divergence. Thus aptly, you switch lanes from the slow to the fast lane and vice versa, with high skills and remarkable precision.

Your intuition knows exactly when to speed up and slow down. You overtake the cars ahead that you deem hindering your movement, without any alarm of endangering all other road users. Horn and front lights are appropriately used every time you see vehicles ahead are closing by or switching to your lane. 

Just before the notorious roundabout, the slow lane, the fast lane, and the busway (yes don’t forget the big brother) converges, making the most chaotic and disorganized traffic mankind has ever defined. Your room is increasingly narrowing as all vehicles try to get their way past the roundabout, creating more lines of vehicles than the road should accommodate. The Kopaja (public bus) next to your car is only at finger-length distance.

But you are not scared at all. Wonderfully, you manage to get your car to the fastest-moving line at the utmost right hand side while you are actually at the utmost left hand side line. Brilliant...

After passing the roundabout you go straight down towards Blok M. Your enemies this time are Metromini and Angkot (public mini-buses). For the sake of getting passengers, these vehicles believe that they have the rights to stop wherever and whenever they like.

You have ever wanted to snarl at them, but you know it is all in vain, because they think they are the rightful owner of roads in Jakarta. Period. Moreover, its big brother, Metromini, is reputable for making the most unexpected turns and maneuvers as they join your line.

Other than that, there is also the smallest brother, Bajai, which is insidiously mysterious. It could go right or left, anytime it wants without giving any signal. Only God knows when and where it is making those turns. We, human beings, can only pray it doesn’t happen right in front of you when you are caught unaware.

But you are a skillful driver. You breeze through them without losing any cool or temper or concentration.

Don’t forget the motorcycles. They are always in a massive horde. And they like to speed up, randomly. If they slam into your car, you are to blame. So you know you don’t want to waste your time with them. At any one random time, you could be in a situation where your car is surrounded by 4 motorcycles, on all 4 sides of your car; The one in the front doesn’t have a mirror. The one on your left has 3 persons on the seat. The one on your right has a fragile small boy clinging to his dad with feeble grip on his dad’s tummy. The one behind doesn’t have front lights. ALL of them do not wear helmets. Wrong decision and you are pretty much fucked, regardless who is blameworthy. But you are a virtuoso. You get yourself out of that situation with lovely maneuvers, without harming any of those 4 bikes.

When you think you are out of the shit hole, somebody jaywalks across the road. Unconcerned and unaware of your speeding car. In a split of a second, you make an accurate decision between accelerating and slowing down. You take a deep breath. The road is tapering. Without any intention to decrease your speed, you ride past that road with adorable certainty and confidence.

All of a sudden, from the front side of a parked bus at the side of the road, a ‘gerobak’ (cartwheel) emerges as it jolly moves across the street. Looking at the mirror, applying brake, but keeping eyes focused on the traveling cartwheel are all done in a simultaneous order, ensuring a smooth flow of the car.

Finally you have arrived at your destination. But it doesn’t give you a relief yet. You are just about to be tested on your ultimate driving proficiency. You have to park your car, on a parallel parking on an inclining slope, in between 2 luxurious cars owned by an ex-Indonesian army chief. Drains (or in Indonesia we call it 'selokan/ got') are on both sides of the narrow slopes.

Don’t forget, you drive a manual-geared vehicle. But again, and again, you succeed, because you drive really well in Jakarta, and you know no other drivers in the world can match your driving skills.

Garuda di Dadaku.

The music that came out of the cinema had faded away, the screen had darkened, but the theme song from the movie Garuda di Dadaku was still being hummed by the audience.

The song goes: Garuda di Dadaku, garuda kebanggaanku, ku yakin hari ini pasti menang.

The lyrics mean: Garuda (a large mythical bird that is the national emblem of Indonesia) is on my chest, Garuda my pride, I'm sure today (it) will certainly win.

The humming came from many children after they had watched the screening of the latest Indonesian movie at Pondok Indah Mall in South Jakarta.

"I like the song. The movie is good, too. This is my first time watching a movie at the cinema. The screen is really, really big," said Hapsiah "Hani" Ramadani Putri.

The 6-year-old girl came to the cinema with more than 30 children from the Cipete orphanage, also in South Jakarta.

"I like the scene when Bayu (the main character in the movie) flossed his soccer skills, because I like playing soccer too," she said.

Similar comments came from Isa Nori Wunche, 12.

"My favorite scene is when the Indonesian under-13 national team was ready to face a foreign team," said Isa, adding the movie had inspired him to be a great soccer player.

He said he wanted to be like Cristiano Ronaldo (the former Manchester United player from Portugal) and Emmanuel Adebayor (Arsenal player from Togo).

"I want to play in the Indonesian national team someday, just like Bambang Pamungkas (Indonesian striker)," said the boy who had joined the Soccer School Indonesia (SSI) Arsenal.

Hani and Isa were just two of the more than 300 children who had the chance to watch the screening even before the movie officially opened at cinemas on June 18.

Dozens of children from orphanages in East Jakarta and SSI Arsenal were excited to watch the 90-minute movie. They burst into laughter at some scenes, especially when Bang Dullah(played by Ramzi) appeared with his amusing dialogues.

But it was Emir Mahira, 12, playing Bayu in the film, who caught the audience's attention.

The audience, kids and adults alike, lined up to get his autograph and pose for photos with him after the screening.

It had never crossed Emir's mind that he would be a movie star. It was his love of soccer that brought him to the new world.

Since he was about 10, Emir pleaded with his father to let him play soccer and join a soccer club. But unlike the character he played in the movie, Bayu, who was forbidden by his grandfather to get into the sport, Emir received full support from his father, who later put him into SSI Arsenal.

Emir's soccer skills amazed the movie's casting directors. In the movie, he should even take a quite difficult move, shooting the ball through a bus window.

"It wasn't easy. It took me five takes to do that. But it's fun," said the fan of the Spanish giants Barcelona, smiling.

He also dreams of playing for the Indonesian national team.

"Just like Bayu, I want to have Garuda on my chest," said Emir, who plays as a midfielder.

Ponaryo Astaman, a national player, said the movie reminded him of his childhood when he struggled hard to become a professional player.

"It really took great effort to become what I am right now. I believe that there are many other Bayus out there who have the same dreams as he does," he said.

"The most important thing is not to be afraid to dream. With hard work, guts and high spirits, you can make the dream come true."

But one question still in people's minds is if the country will ever earn international soccer acclaim, having never qualified for big competitions like the World Cup or the Olympics.

The team crashed out of the first round of the Asian Cup, while in the ASEAN Football Championships, its best achievement was as runner-up in 2000, 2002 and 2004.

Bang Dullah
(my most favorite character)

Trauma.

Doesn't matter how tough we are, trauma always leaves a scar. It follows us home, it changes our lives, trauma messes everybody up, but maybe that's the point. All the pain and the fear and the crap. Maybe going through all of that is what keeps us moving forward. It's what pushes us. Maybe we have to get a little messed up, before we can step up.